Guest Post - "When are You Going to Have a Baby?"

The chaos of a crying baby and poopy diapers are something I have dreamed of for years. Unlike some who are turned away by the thought of having children, I am ecstatic for the day my home is filled with epic tantrums and coloured walls. 
Since my big "I Do" a little over a month ago, I've found my uterus has becoming a frequent topic of many conversations. My life has flipped from "when are you getting married?" to "when are you having a baby?" in less than a year - and if I had a nickel for each time a person asked me when my husband and I planned to bring a little being into this world, my wedding would be paid off in a flash. 
Many couples hold their fertility near and dear to them, and typically, when a couple is struggling to conceive a child, they do so in silence.  Personally I’m not one to take offence when an unknowing patron asks my husband and I when baby-L will be making his or her big debut. Often, I smile and respond with: “as soon as God allows.” 
In many cases, we catch questioners off guard. They suspect we’ll want to live our lives to the fullest before baby comes along, and they proceed to shed some light on a situation we’ve already evaluated. They encourage us to “live in the moment”, enjoy our time together, and my personal favourite, to travel.
These words are innocent and these people mean no harm.
My husband and I understand that our world will be flipped upside down as soon as that stick presents me with those double lines. We can say goodbye our double-income-no-kids lifestyle, toot-a-loo to travel, and kiss our date night’s goodbye. My husband and I have accounted for this. But, we have also accounted for the state of my fertility and potential challenges ahead.
When someone is in the middle of telling us what we’ll be missing out on if we have children right away, I find it hard to resist the urge to stop them in their tracks, and share what we could be missing out on if we didn’t.
At 21 I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). Simply put, having PCOS means your hormones are all out of whack, your ovaries are covered with cysts, and your fertility may be negatively impacted. It has left me hospitalised twice, and over-thinking my fertility for the last 5 years. Why am I sharing this information? Because I’m not struggling alone – I’m actually one in 5 million Canadian women to be exact.
Within the first few weeks of dating my husband, he knew about my PCOS. It isn’t something I’m ashamed of, nor something I wanted to spring on him should our relationship become more serious. His response was better than I could have ever imagined, and I’m so blessed to have his support as we face this journey together.
Even with what we’re facing, we love when people ask us when we want to have children. We are excited and we are proud to say we want to be parents. We also appreciate the enthusiasm some share for living our lives sans-children for the first few years of our married life. However, our decision wasn’t spur of the moment and it was made with all things considered. It is finally time for us to face a fear I’ve held for the last five years.
Should we be blessed with a baby within the first few months of our marriage, I can guarantee I will have my ugliest-cry to date. The weight this has placed on my shoulders is one that has left me feeling empty and discouraged. If we experience the other scenario though, we are prepared and I can promise we will yolo our life to the fullest in the meantime.
It's human nature to ask questions, and I'm happy to answer them. Having people know what we face is empowering. Not having to make up stories, or beat my way around the up's and down's of fertility brings me strength in the road ahead. It has connected me with wonderful couples who have walked the same path. I encourage the delicate world of fertility to be something society can openly discuss. The only thing I discourage questioners from doing is humorously advising couples that a baby will throw their lives completely upside down. Little you may know, they may have been craving that sort of up-all-night chaos for years.

Bio: Anneliese is an aspiring momma and Canadian writer. She is a wife to her handsome, engineer husband and fur-mommy to her spunky schnoodle, Louie. Anneliese is an open book, and loves to share her life in writing in hopes to make others feel like they aren't alone in this big ole world. 

You  can follow Anneliese here on her Twitter account or visit her blog here. 

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