Day Twenty-Six - A Better Me. | Rosy Cheeks & Muddy Feet

Day Twenty-Six - A Better Me.

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Brave Love Blog

Day 26 - How have you changed in the past year?

I just looked at the rest of the prompts for this month and I cannot believe how close to the end we are! I missed the day that we had to make a Vlog, due to my own insecurities, and this past Saturday due to me trying to juggle too many things. Apart from that though, I'm quite proud that I've managed everyday! Not easy with two little ones running around. I'm sad that this is nearly over. 

So today's prompt is how I've changed in the past year. I'm actually going to say the past two years. You'll see why. 

Two years ago I wrote this post. I had recently been prescribed medication to help me cope with depression & anxiety caused by my Emetophobia. I was struggling with life and just the day to day tasks were such a challenge for me. This post was my turning point. The medication was starting to work and I was feeling happier. Then in the December I found out that I was pregnant with Emilie and I had to stop taking my tablets. I was scared. Was I going to go backwards? Thankfully, I didn't notice any change and to this day I am coping without them. 

In the past two years I have come on in leaps and bounds with regards to my Emetophobia. Before I would have 15-20 anxiety attacks everyday. Just leaving the house would make me nervous and I cannot begin to tell you how many plans I had to cancel because the anxiety was crippling. 

The biggest change came in me when I fell pregnant. I was nauseous for pretty much the whole of the pregnancy, (there was no second trimester glow for me!) Although as a person that suffers from the fear of vomiting, it was awful to feel that way for 37 weeks, it helped me in a way that nothing else had. I am still terrified of it. I still feel that crippling fear but it doesn't consume me anymore. When I was suffering with all those anxiety attacks every day they were easy to cope with because I was so use to them that I kind of went on auto pilot. Now when I have one, because they are so few and far between I don't cope as well as I did because I'm not use to them anymore. I'll take that over what it was like though. I was constantly putting on a happy face. I would wake up in the morning and dread another day. I felt like such a failure, like I couldn't cope with life and I was so worried that it was affecting me being a good mother. 

I now have good days and bad days. When the kids are unwell, I go to pieces. I do what I have to do but inside I am a wreck. On normal days though I am happy. i don't let the fear get to me like I use to. I don't wake up dreading what the day will bring. I am by no means free from my Emetophobia and I don't think I ever will be, but I am a better me. 




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2 comments

  1. So glad to read this post and that you're getting, and feeling, better xxxx You look so lovely in the photo!!

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  2. You so are brave!!! I have my own struggle with anxiety so I know how much guts it takes to face it. Good for you. :)

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