Fighting The Overwhelmed.

You know those days? The ones where it feels like from the moment you open your eyes everything seems to go wrong. It feels like the kids do nothing but scream all day. For every job that gets crossed off your to-do list another three get added. The five year old has a tantrum whilst the baby wants to do nothing but be held by you because they are teething and all the while you are looking at your laundry pile that appears to be growing by the second. You have nothing in the cupboards for dinner but no time to make it to the shops. Your husband gets home from work and the breakfast dishes are still sat on the side. By the time you put the children in bed you have just about enough energy to fall into a heap on the sofa and you feel like you've just fought in World War Three.

We all have those days. I know I do. I don't like to be overwhelmed. I can deal with change but I like some warning. I find on days like that that it affects my parenting. I am quicker to snap. I pay attention but at the same time my mind is going at one hundred miles an hour whilst I'm thinking about the next thing that I have to do. I don't stop to recognise or appreciate the small things. I fight to get through the day.

I don't like that about myself. 

This past week has been like that. Having Anthony in hospital and me not knowing what was going on or how long he would be away for. I was worried about him and trying to keep things going at home. James didn't cope well with him away and I was putting on a brave face for him but knowing I had the same fears that he did. Then when Anthony was home I was trying to look after him and the kids. Things were hectic. James wanted to spend time with his Dad but Anthony was still contagious so trying to explain that to James when he knew that his Dad was just upstairs. His five year old mind couldn't understand why he could just see him. Emilie wasn't sleeping at night so therefore neither was I... So I wasn't my best last week. I don't think I was a good parent. Yes I played games, I rocked a baby and made meals. I washed clothes and vacuumed the floors. I laughed with them and had dance parities in the kitchen. We played in the garden and went for walks but I wasn't 100% present. My mind was constantly on the next job, the next thing that I had to do.

I need to try and change how I cope with being overwhelmed. I need to understand that those days will come. The tantrums and the clingy baby. Some days will feel like a breeze whereas some days will feel like I am in battle. That won't change but what I'm going to try and change is my attitude. I need to realise that the laundry will still be there tomorrow. The dishes will get cleaned and the bottles will get made. The to-do list is never going to end anyway so I shouldn't worry if it's as long as my arm.

It's a new week and I'm making myself and my family a promise that I am going to fight the overwhelmed feeling.

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