My Lot In Life..

Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it

I've sat here for what feels like an eternity trying to figure out how to start this post and where I want to take it. It is probably one of, if not the hardest posts I've ever written here. I wanted to share it though. If it helps just one person then it will be worth it. 

I had a mixed childhood. Some parts of it were fantastic and I felt just like any other kid but then other parts were pure torture. I hate it when people use their past as an excuse for the kind of adults they've become though. You hear so many people do bad things and then say, "I had a terrible childhood.. I went through this.. I went through that.." I'm not saying that your past is easy to overcome or to forget but I think you should learn from it and let it mould you into a better person. I'm probably not making much sense. In my head I know what I mean but writing it down is hard.. The words want to come out jumbled. 

When I was seven I was sexually abused by my Sisters Dad. I don't want to dwell on what happened but lets just say that it wasn't just a one time thing. My Mum knew nothing about it and like a lot of predators out there he scared me enough to keep me quiet.. I was a very insecure child and he played on that. Telling me that my Mum wouldn't believe me and that she would choose him over me. At the age of seven I didn't know any better so I kept quiet. 

For seven years. 

The abuse didn't last as long as that but once he had stopped that he started mentally torturing me. I guess it was to keep me quiet. If I stayed the shy, insecure girl then I would be less likely to tell his secret. 

I finally told my Mum after they had separated when I was fourteen and my Sister was spending the weekends at his house. I realised that the same could happen to her and if I didn't say anything then I would never forgive myself if the same thing happened to her. It was awful. I didn't know how to tell my Mum so one night I just blurted it out. In my naive state I thought I would just tell her what happened, she would stop my Sister going to his house and that would be the end of it.. Off course that didn't happen. My Mum told the School who, rightfully so, contacted the police.. There were police interviews, court cases, newspaper articles, shouting at me in the street. It went on for months. 

We ended up moving and slowly I started getting better. After a few years I started Therapy and after trying several different ones I finally found someone that I clicked with and she will never know how much she helped me. 

My whole point in writing this and telling my story isn't for sympathy.. It's so other people know that it's okay to speak up.. To tell others if they're being hurt. There will always be someone that will listen.. A parent, a grandparent, a teacher, a doctor.. I thought I had to suffer alone and it was such a relief to finally tell someone. Keeping a secret like that inside for seven years probably affected me more than the sexual abuse did.  Now that I'm a grown woman with a child of my own I wish I had been brave enough to tell. 

No comments

Post a Comment

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment! I read every single message that is left for me and try to respond to everyone :)

Professional Blog Designs by pipdig