Before I had James I suffered from five miscarriages. Five times I felt the excitement of knowing a baby was growing inside of me and five times I sat crying in the bathroom whilst I lost those little lives. So many times I wanted to give up trying to have a baby. Afraid that once again I would get excited and start dreaming of the little one that I would hold in a few short months. I kept going though and eventually James came along. My perfect little miracle.

When I found out I was pregnant again in December, in the back of my mind I had all the thoughts of my miscarriages but I kept pushing them away, refusing to let them to the surface. James was okay so why wouldn't this pregnancy be fine too. I refused to think any thoughts that weren't positive.

Until yesterday. Yesterday all those thoughts came rushing to the surface and exploded out whilst I was in the doctors surgery doubled over with stomach cramps. One minute I was walking around the shops fine, about to go and collect James from School and the next minute I was holding onto Anthony for dear life whilst spasms ripped through my stomach every other minute. Each lasting for about 30 seconds. In those moments my mind went there. To that dark place where I've been five times before. At nearly twelve weeks pregnant I thought it was all over.

The doctor was great. She saw me straight away and went to get a Doppler, telling me that they normally can't hear a heartbeat with them until around thirteen weeks, so not to panic if she couldn't find it.. She wiggled it around.. First she found my heartbeat and then after moving the wand to the other side of my stomach, there it was.. The beautiful woosh woosh sound of Peanuts beautiful heart beating away.

I've now been put on bed rest for a while. We're not sure what caused the cramps but with my history we cannot be too careful. As much as I hate being stuck in one place, unable to do anything.. If I have to lie here for the next six months then that's what I'll do. Knowing that Peanut is safe in there at the moment with her little heart doing just what it should be is the best feeling in the world.


  1. I'm sorry for your previous losses. I know how heartbreaking that is. But I am so happy to hear that little peanut is doing good! Take it easy Mama!

  2. Hi Liane! Hopped over from ETST and had to say hi. I'm so terribly sorry for all your losses, but congrats on making it to 12 weeks so far with this pregnancy and for adorable little James! My little Drew just turned 2 so I'm excited to find another mommy blog of a toddler boy! Hope you have a great week and hope you'll stop over to say hi sometime!

  3. Take it easy love.
    I will be thinking about you.

  4. Hi Liane. I have a son around James age. I read this post and was so happy to hear that your little Peanut is okay. I can't imagine the heartache you've gone through and how scary this recent event must have been for you. Very best wishes to you and your sweet family...


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