Women Connect '12 - Infertility.

As I was scrolling through my feed this morning I came across Women Connect '12 on Becky's blog. Without even having to think about it I knew that I wanted to take part. Women are amazing and we do not give ourselves enough credit. A lot of us, carry the weight of the world on our shoulders, we run homes, we raise children, we work, we listen, we cry and laugh. We are wives, mothers, daughters and sisters. There are so many women bloggers that inspire me. Kelle Hampton, Rachel Martin, Laura Barndt, to name just a few. I learn so much from the women around me

I've been sat here for quite a while now, thinking about what to write. I could write about why I blog but to be honest my answer is probably very similar to a lot of other woman's reasons. I love to write, I use blogging as a way to sort through the jumble of thoughts that often occupy my brain. I love that I get to document James' life through photos and words...

Then I started thinking about my journey to becoming a Mother. Like most people as a teenager and young adult I figured that when the time was right I would decided to have a baby and just like that I'd be pregnant. I quickly realised that wasn't going to happen. Month after month with period after period went past. Everyone told me to be patient and that it would happen when the time was right, I just needed to relax..

Let me tell you.. As much as people mean well when they tell you that. It doesn't help when you are longing to hold a pregnancy test with two blue lines, to feel a baby kick against your swollen stomach, to hold a newborn in your arms. 

Then it happened. I fell pregnant. I was the happiest person alive. I told everyone.. I started dreaming of names and paint colours for the nursery. At around 9 weeks I miscarried. I honestly thought my heart would rip into two. I knew the numbers though. One in four pregnancies results in miscarriage. I comforted myself by saying.. "We've had our bad luck.. Next time will be different"

It wasn't though. Over the next five years I fell pregnant 4 more times and each of them resulted in me crying in the bathroom whilst I lost our babies. It seemed everyone around me was having babies. My friends were on their second child whilst I was buying heavy flow sanitary towels during another miscarriage. During this time I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and told that it would be extremely difficult to conceive.

In June 2008 when I had given up all hope of ever becoming a Mum, I stood in the bathroom jumping up and down holding a test. I shoved it under my husbands face to make sure that he could see the lines too. I was cautious though. I knew that this would probably end the same way that the others had. I didn't dare get excited. Three days later as I was lying in the hospital with bleeding I felt myself go numb. I knew what the doctors were going to say.. I can still remember the feeling now when they placed the ultrasound wand on my stomach and there on the screen was a beautiful little heart beat.. Good and strong at 6 weeks and 3 days.

The pregnancy wasn't easy. I was monitored carefully, prescribed asprin to take daily to avoid another miscarriage. At 14 weeks I was in hospital doubled over with stomach cramps. I was back there at 22 weeks when doctors suspected that my waters had broken, and again at 26 weeks when it was thought that the baby wasn't growing properly..

Finally though.. At 40 weeks and 4 days on the 21st February 2009 at 12.31am I became a Mummy. 

For the first time ever I felt complete.

Now James is a healthy three year old. He is funny and bright, inquisitive and challenging. The past three years have been a massive roller coaster of emotions but I wouldn't change one single minute of it.

Eight months ago we decided to try for another baby. I had hoped that because we'd had so many struggles the first time that this time it would be easier. Apparently not though.. Eight months in and we are still trying. I find myself getting down every time my period arrives. I watch my friends having babies and I feel that tugging in my chest. People are starting to offer their advice again.. "Relax, Be patient, it will happen when the time is right.. "  

If it takes us another five years to have a baby then I need to remember how lucky I am. I have a beautiful child that is happy and I get to raise him. I get to stay at home everyday with him and see the world through his eyes... I. am. lucky.

It would be so cool to see the world through another set of baby blue eyes though :)


  1. Wow, Liane.

    First of all, thank you. I am continually inspired by the women around me, and it means the world that I do this for you. Thank you.

    Second, I didn't know all of this about you. I'm sorry you suffered so many losses before your little miracle...but he's just that. James is a doll, and you are one blessed mama!

    1. Thank you Laura for taking the time to read this and comment. Sometimes I think we as women forget how much we have to offer other women. We can all relate to each other in one or another and that is one of the biggest things I have learnt since I started blogging!

      Hope you have a great day! x

  2. I clicked on your title from Women Connect at the sight of "Struggling with Infertility." I've been married 2 years and we've been trying almost a year and a half for our first. It's been rough but I know that it will all work out how it's supposed to. I've learned to stop worrying and pray about everything... often easier said than done sometimes. ;-) But, I just wanted to say your story touched me and it's comforting to know that it's a common struggle... much more common than I would have imagined. Sending positive thoughts and baby dust your way!

    1. It's awful that so many women have to struggle with fertility issues. I know that I am one of the lucky ones that managed to overcome the issues once and I have faith that it will happen again. I just need to learn to be patient! I admire you for the faith that you are showing during your struggles, it's an inspiration to me.

      Wishing you lots of luck and baby dust xxx

  3. This was gorgeous! Thank you for sharing your struggles with us!
    I have to say though, your love for your son shines through immensely, you are obviously very appreciative of his presence and that is a gift to both of you!
    Love your blog, so happy to have found you through Becky!

    1. Aww, thank you so much for your kind comment! x

  4. Wow, can't explain enough how much I relate to you right here, "Then it happened. I fell pregnant. I was the happiest person alive. I told everyone.. I started dreaming of names and paint colours for the nursery." Thank you for sharing your beautiful story, I've gone through a miscarriage recently and it was incredibly painful. But I know not to give up, your son is a blessing and I am truly happy for you! I'm sorry you had to go through that, I wish you the best of luck in the future. Following now, thank you for sharing, I will definitely be back to read more!

    Lots of bloggy love from Ashton over at:


  5. Thank you for your kind comment. I am so sorry that you too have suffered a miscarriage. They are so painful but I promise that it does get easier. I found that talking about it helped me loads.

    I'm wishing you lots of luck and sending you lots of baby dust! xx

  6. Thank you for putting your story out there. I have been off the pill for 7 months now and I definitely know that is not long to wait compared to most, but it feels long for me and it's so hard just waiting. Your story gives me so much hope. Thank you for that!

  7. I'm so glad that my story brings you some comfort & hope. I completely understand where you are coming from with relation to time dragging! These eight months since we started trying for another baby have felt like an eternity!

    I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you! x

  8. Hi!
    Thank you for sharing your story <3 I found you thru the womens connect, tho i havent made my post yet.
    I'm just getting the hang of blogging, so it is semi boring. But like you, i too have PCOS and am a long time TTC'er.
    I am sending all positive vibes and sticky dust your way. You are so strong!


Thank you for taking the time to read and comment! I read every single message that is left for me and try to respond to everyone :)

Professional Blog Designs by pipdig