Choose Happiness

There seems to be a stigma attached to admitting that you need medication for anxiety and depression. Especially if you are a Mother. It is like admitting that you are failing or that you are not good enough.. When it's reality that's not true.

Four months ago I wasn't on any medication at all. I was dealing with depression and a phobia that I have dealt with all my life. I was trying to cope with it all whilst putting on a smiling face for the outside world.. When infact I was crumbling inside.

Sure, I was waking up in the morning, getting dressed, feeding James, playing with him, cleaning the house and cooking meals. I would greet visitors with a smile and make them a Coffee. I would chat with friends on the phone and laugh at silly stories..

On the flip side though...

I was having about 20 panic attacks a day, I was starving myself, I was afraid to leave the house, I was moody and so very very sad. I was terrified that I would have a panic attack in front of James and he'd wonder what the hell was wrong with Mummy.. I shut people out and at night I would go to bed and think.. "I've got to do this all again tomorrow.."

Finally I relented and went to the doctors.. On numerous occassions before I had been offered medication but I had always refused, afraid of what people would think. I've heard it all before. "Depression is all in the mind.." "My phobia is all in my head.." "I should just suck it up and get on with it.." Advice like that doesn't help. It just makes you feel like you are even more of a failure.

I accepted the medication this time.. The doctor told me that it would take about three weeks to get into my system properly but after a week I was already noticing a difference.. I could feel myself coming out of a black whole.. There was a little bit of light in my world again. Within a month I honestly felt like a different person.

I didn't realise how bad I had been feeling everyday until about 6 weeks into taking my medication I had to miss 2 days because I had ran out of tablets. By the second day I could feel myself slipping back and thought to myself.. "This is how I felt everyday.."

People can say what they want. They can think that I'm not good enough or that I'm weak for needing some help but it doesn't matter to me anymore. I am a better Mummy, a better wife and a better person now. I'm happy and I don't dread what the next day will bring. Sure I still have bad days but now instead of 5 bad days out of every 7, it's more like 2 bad days out of every 7.. I'll take that if it means I have to swallow one little pill every morning..

So Mum's.. Don't be afraid of admitting that you are struggling.. Instead embrace it, be proud of the fact that you are strong enough to ask for help and decide that you want to choose happiness..


  1. There should be a 'like' button here :) xx

  2. Lovely blog.

    1. Thanks! I love hearing from new readers :) And also thank you for leaving a link to yours! xx

  3. Couldn't agree more - brave move to go to the Dr and face your problems... Well done and bug hugs xxx

    1. Thank you! I just wish I had done it sooner x


Thank you for taking the time to read and comment! I read every single message that is left for me and try to respond to everyone :)

Professional Blog Designs by pipdig