Fear and Hope

This past week or so I have been struggling more than normal with my Emetophobia and Anxiety. I feel like I am sinking into a big black hole and I'm powerless to stop it. It doesn't help that I am constantly exhausted, even though I sleep well at night. I'm off to the doctors on Tuesday to see if they will test my iron levels as I seem to have all the symptoms of low iron. It wouldn't surprise me if that was the case because of my lack of food intake.

This past week I have been desperately searching for something to help me.. I don't actually know what I'm looking for but I've been delving into self-help books and cruising the internet hoping that something will jump out at me and that it will be the answer that I've been looking for. I just want to stop being afraid. I don't want to live in fear anymore. I want to be able to eat like a normal person and not have this internal battle in my head all the time.

I know that I am the only person that can help me. I think that's the scariest part of all. It's all down to me. I can either choose to carry on living in fear and starving my body or I can choose to live. I can choose to not be afraid. I let Emetophobia control me and I'm the only one that can change that.

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